Moody Teenage Girl with a blog.
A morbid fascination with humanity & an obsession with all that glitters.
The scary thing is I’m not happy & I’m afraid I’ll never learn how to become happy. I’m miserable, anxious, depressed, angry & lonely. I’m so fucking lonely especially when I’m around other people. I’m so angry because I don’t want to be this way but I am & I can’t help it. I’m depressed & I don’t want to be near people or even think I deserve to be happy anymore. I’m anxious that someone might realize that I’m not okay, that I’m not strong, that I’m not FUCKING HAPPY. I’m miserable because I’m mourning this person I once was. Everyone thinks I’m this peppy, funny, has her life together person but I’m not. I HATE MYSELF, I HATE MY LIFE, I’M IN THIS STATE OF DESPAIR AND I’M LOSING MY MIND. I’M NOT GOING TO MAKE IT. I just can’t keep doing this anymore. I think that mostly I’m just so tired of fighting the inevitable. I’m exhausted in every aspect.
A sharp thought pierces my tongue
As it can’t pass gritted teeth.
For these are words if spoken,
if uttered, words that would linger in the air like the stale smoke of a fire long ago.
They would be dangerous little nothings that caress then bind until all the oxygen escapes & I suffocate in silence. Silence because my mouth won’t slip, my teeth won’t budge, & my tongue, my tongue will suffer a hundred cuts from terrifying & deadly thoughts. It doesn’t matter because when you look at me, all you see is teeth gleaming.